Funk

I've been stuck in a funk.  This is really the only reason I haven't posted.  Because, without a job, trust me, I have plenty of free time!

I have been in a funk.  The kind of funk that makes me miss my friends and family terribly, but also keeps me from calling them, or answering when they call me.  The kind of funk that keeps me up at all hours of the night, accomplishing absolutely nothing, but craving to accomplish something.  The kind of funk that makes me sleep late in the morning and not want to get out of bed, when all I want to do is run and get in shape.  The kind of funk that makes every single thing my roommate does drive me crazy.  But, I adore my roommate.  This is the kind of funk that makes me open new blog post after new blog post, but never type anything.  Well, I never type anything worthwhile.  This is a funk in which my sole accomplishment has been watching The Office, in its entirety, in just a few weeks.  And for those of you that don't know, that is seven seasons.  I am not even going to do the math of how many hours that is.

There are certain things that I can pinpoint as reasons for my slump.  But, at the same time, I know there are other things bothering me that I haven't been able to figure out just yet.

Losing Grandma has definitely been challenging.  While I was back in the States, I stayed busy.  I visited with friends, took trips, helped to clean out my grandparents' room and get the house back to normal.  Instead of it hitting me, the realization of having no grandparents has slowly seeped in.  And it has really been seeping in since I have been back in Thailand, without my family.  And of course, I got an email today with the subject: CookiEmail - Send your love on Grandparent's Day!  Well, thanks for the reminder to send a cookie bouquet, but no thank you.

Going home was also the best and worst thing that I could have done.  I loved every second of being home.  I have lots of friends in the area, and was able to spend tons of time with them.  There is nothing better than Saratoga in the summer.  Between the track, the orchestra, Caroline Street, the dog park, and Lake George, I stayed very busy.  I loved every second of it, and it only made it more difficult to come back to Thailand.  I felt that much lonelier when I came back here.

And, to top it all off, I no longer have a job.  I quit.  I have not regretted that decision for a second, but I have been bored.  Paul and I still had four weeks of our after school program when I returned, so I was forced to stay in Khon Kaen.  Without work every day, the funk has had an opportunity to fully set in.

This is all changing.

Paul and I finished the after school program yesterday.  We are done for good.  I cried.  But I am ecstatic.  On Sunday, Grandparent's Day, I will be going to the beach for two weeks.  I will spend my time on Koh Lanta, Railay Beach and Krabi.  I will spend my time getting my SCUBA certification, reading, tanning and doing yoga.  I am nervous to travel alone, as I always am, but I am thrilled.

When I return, a group of us will be taking a trip to my friend's boat in Chiang Rai, in northern Thailand.    A weekend of lounging and swimming on a lake in the mountains?  Sounds perfect!

Here I am, with just over three months left in Asia, and ready to make a change.  I am going to pull myself out of this funk, and I am going to take advantage of every second I have left.  White sandy beaches, here I come!