I’m trying to smile.

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”

There is dispute over the source of this quote.  Many people believe that it is a Dr. Seuss quote, but that can’t be verified.  It doesn’t matter.  For me, my mom said it.

After a particularly tearful few hours I emailed my mom, telling her of the leaky faucets that seem to have replaced my eyes.  In her perfect mom way she wrote me an email giving me just the advice that I needed.  And she told me “don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”  Of course, I read that and started crying.  But, I have really been trying to smile.

Yesterday was one of the best days of my life.  I spent the entire day with my very best friends from Khon Kaen.  Kar’s mom took all of us out on the river for the day, on a boat very similar to Josh’s.  We packed up three full cars and a truck bed with people, food and drinks.  We left the apartments a little after 8 am and drove about 45 minutes to the river.  The karaoke started, the sun was blaring and I was surrounded by my best friends.  It was perfect.  

Hours later, just before we started to head back down the river, Kar’s mom gave the karaoke a rest so she could make a speech.  It wasn’t until she started talking, and then invited me to stand with her, did I realize she had planned the whole day for me.  She did it all for me.  I thought I just happened to be lucky enough to still be in town for the trip, but I was wrong.  She had been planning it while I was in New Zealand.  She threw me the most perfect going away party.  Ever.  

We were back in Khon Kaen a little before 6, just in time to watch one of the more beautiful sunsets I have seen.  And, a little before 10 Paul and Kar drove me to the bus station.  As we sat, waiting for my bus, we were all quiet.  None of us knew what to say.  Or how to say anything without getting too emotional.  We loaded my bags onto the bus and the time had come.  It was like a movie.  The bus attendant stood at the door, holding my ticket, waiting for me.  Everyone was on the bus, and she stood there waiting as I said my tearful goodbyes.  

I cried myself to sleep on the bus.  

And as I am writing this at my gate, I am crying.  

I’m trying really hard to smile.  I am so happy it happened.  But, I am also very sad that it’s over.  Very, very sad.