Fake it till you make it

As long as I keep going through the motions and pretending everything is okay, then eventually it will be, right?

Work is insanely busy. I am trying to start dating again. I am responsible for finding 25 volunteers per night for nine nights over the next three weeks to work in a haunted house. I don't spend enough time with my dog. I haven't been working out. I am helping to build a haunted house this week. I don't sleep through the night. I am supposed to go away for the weekend.

Life is a little crazy right now.

Keeping myself busy sounded like a great idea back in August. And suddenly, I don't have enough time to think. Without even trying to bury myself in work and volunteering, it just happened. Now, here I am, without enough hours in a day, without enough experience to be completing the projects I have been assigned at work, and without enough guts to walk through the haunted house I helped to build!

People continue to ask me how I am. We both know that they are asking about post-breakup, totally stressed Meaghan, but don't say it. They look at me with a tilted head and sad eyes that say "breakups are hard and you are definitely still struggling." Every time I am asked, I respond with "I'm fine. Work is busy, but I'll get through it. I'm dating again!" Instead of discussing how I am really doing, I have found that it is much easier to use my recent suitors as comic relief. All of a sudden the pressure to discuss the ex, work, and my emotions is gone. Instead,  I can make people laugh while describing the man who significantly lied about his height, the man who refused to make eye contact, or my favorite story so far, the man who never stopped talking about himself.  

Dating has been interesting, to say the least. I have been out on three first dates, without the hint of a second date in sight. With every date I learn more about myself, what I want in a man, and the art of conversation. I have two dates scheduled for this week and I am looking forward to both of them. I go into every date with an incredibly hopeful demeanor and open mind. So far I have only come away from each with a blog post, but I'm confident that will change. 

I will continue to put myself out there and go on dates. I will continue to field the hundreds of emails and calls about volunteers and donations for the haunted house and make it through the month of October. I will carry a flashlight as I go through the haunted house. I will work lots of hours and I will do the best that I can. I will tell my boss when I need help before I become buried. I will keep telling people that I am fine and then share dating stories. I will keep faking it and eventually I'll make it. Sooner rather than later would be ideal, but either way I'll make it, and that is all that matters. 

Moving to a new city is hard

I knew that moving to Madison wouldn't be easy, but I have only had the offers for three days and I'm already stressed.

Shopping for an apartment online is a pain.  Shopping for an apartment that allows dogs is a big pain.  And shopping for an apartment that will be available this summer in a city that is mostly made up of college students is a really, really big pain.  Oh, and I'm not even thinking about the location of the apartment!  Let's just say I have spent an ungodly number of hours clicking away on apartment sites only to find out it won't work.  I'm a little frustrated.

I'm feeling stressed.  I don't think I am necessarily stressed, but instead, my nerves have disguised themselves as stress.  And the "stress" is not doing any favors to my face.  Can we say stress blemishes and furrow lines?  I'm just very nervous about the whole thing.  Another new city?  Starting all over again?  A job?  I'm nervous.

Tomorrow I will send my recruiter an email with my decision to take the position that doesn't require travel.  I'm excited for this.  I have already written my references thank you notes, because we all know that they can work wonders, and in this case, they did!  And then I will stay busy with lots of exciting activities in the near future, hoping to keep the stress blemishes at bay.

Just to keep you informed of the exciting things I am looking forward to:

1. My new running shoes should arrive in the mail this week!  I don't care if they aren't the coolest, they are going to feel wonderful on my feet.

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2. I am having lunch with Ann on Wednesday!

3. I am going home on Saturday!

4. Being at home means I get to see Wilbur! (And my family, of course.)

5. I am getting an awesome haircut on Saturday! I'm crossing my fingers for the awesome part.

6. Liz's 25th birthday party is on Saturday night! Wow, I'm starting to feel old. Well, at least I can say I'm employed as I get so old.

7. I bought new shoes for Liz's party.  Okay, I bought lots of new shoes.  I went to DSW with Erin to purchase a pair of black heels for work and a pair of shoes for the party.  I got a little carried away and walked out with five pairs of heels.  A word to the wise: never go to DSW with Erin.  Or Nicole, for that matter.

8. I'm going car shopping this weekend!  I'm not going to tell you about the awesome one I found yet, because I don't want to jinx it.

9. Next Monday starts the NY Auto Show.  Well, not technically, but I start working the event next Monday.

10. Next Thursday I'm headed to Virginia for Allie and Joe's big day!

11. Laura Beth is coming back to New York with me after the wedding for a few days!

Okay, I'm stopping at eleven. But trust me, I could go on. All of these exciting things in the future should definitely be able to keep my stress levels down for a while.  Or, all of these exciting things will keep me busy enough to stress me out more about not making progress on the move. The stress level will just continue to grow and fester under the excitement.  Shoot, that sounds rough.  I'm putting my money on scenario A.  I'm going to be an optimist for this one.