Grey Hairs

I am so frustrated right now.  I want to pull my hair out.  I also want to cry.  But, my officemate is around, so I’m holding back the tears.

With over 1,000 printed pages in front of me and another 524 in an Adobe PDF file open on my desktop, I am not able to find the answer I am looking for.  I am supposed to be working on my project right now.  But for the last two hours I have been searching over 3 reams of paper’s worth of information, trying for the life of me to figure out where to begin.

Do I know what I am doing?  Nope.  Not a clue. 

Do I feel like an idiot?  Yup.  Absolutely.

Do I feel smart enough to be working here?  Not in the slightest.  I feel like an idiot.

Do I have a headache?  That’s a silly question.  I now live with a constant headache.  Seriously, I carry ibuprofen on my person at all times.

I’m a computer idiot to begin with.  Let’s play the honest game, I own a Mac.  And as every person that works for this company has made clear, those are not good computers.  So here I sit, wishing I could swoop to a corner and see all of my open windows or use the little spotlight feature to find my answer.  I am praying that I stumble upon the answer sometime in the near future.  And I am begging that I don’t burst into tears while Rob is still in here, because I really want him to come to my birthday party tomorrow, and I think crying might scare him away.

But, by God, what am I doing here?  How in the world am I supposed to train people on this software if I can’t even create a bloody SmartSet!  Ahhh!