How Young Are You?

My sister is 8 1/2 years younger than I am.  I have always had a pretty good grasp on our age difference, but sometimes, I get blindsided.

The perfect example occurred a few weeks ago, when the talk of Erin's 16th birthday came up.  We knew she wouldn't be having a big Sweet 16 party, but my mind jumped to the next milestone: 21!  I said, "you could have an awesome 21st birthday party, just like me!"

.... Three seconds later...

"Oh my gosh!  The year you turn 21, I will turn 30!  Ahhh!"

...my mom chimed in...

"Oh, how fun!  Then, you can bring your kids to Aunt Erin's 21st birthday party!"

Blindsided!

The most recent example was only a few days ago.  While walking to pick Erin up from ballet I passed yet another Starbucks.  In my mind, I thought about how shocking it was to see so many people using their computers in the coffee shop, considering you pay for wifi there!  The next Starbucks I walked past, I had the same thought.  But, I glanced at the door, and saw a sign advertising free wifi!  Free wifi?!  At Starbucks?!  You're kidding me.

I met Erin at Alvin Ailey and immediately asked, "how long has the wifi at Starbucks been free?"  I knew she would know the answer, and I knew that my absence abroad would explain my shock.  Instead she said, "Uhhhmmm, for-eh-ver." (In a snobby teenager voice)

Blindsided.

Is Erin really so young that she doesn't remember when you had to pay for wifi at Starbucks?

So, I asked Maddie, her 19- year- old best friend.  Her response: "Hmmmm.... forever?"

Blindsided!

No!  No!  No!  Girls, you are wrong.

When I was in school, my friends and I chose study locations based on the price of wifi.  For example, if we needed to focus, read, write, etcetera, without any distractions, we went to Starbucks.  Because no one in their right mind would pay for wifi.  However, if we simply needed to get off campus, and could spare the wasted time online, we went to Panera, or any other coffee shop for that matter, where wifi was free!

No, girls.  You are babies.  Starbucks has not had free wifi for-eh-ver.  They have only had free wifi since July 2010.  Booyah.  And, now I feel old.

Mehhh

That is how I feel right now.  Very mehhh.

It is my eleventh day living the city, and this is the first day I feel like this.  I'm a little bit frustrated with the job search and a little bit frustrated with life in general.  I am incredibly grateful to have the opportunity to be living in NYC.  And I am even more grateful to be living in an apartment and not worrying about rent.  But, this isn't me.

I don't want to be dependent.  I strongly dislike depending on my parents to pay the rent right now.  I strongly dislike depending on my sister to give me something to do every day.  But more than anything, I am disliking the lack of structure I have in my life right now.  Other than picking Erin up from ballet every day, I have nothing to do.  I spend a lot of time on my computer job huntin', but there is no time requirement or schedule that comes with that.  Oh, and I have been reading A LOT.  It has been great, but it also lacks a schedule.

I envy the people in a hurry, rushing to meetings and appointments.  I want to set my alarm in the morning and have a reason to wake up at that time.  I am sure there are plenty of you reading this blog, envious of my lack of schedule, structure, obligations in general, but I'm tired of it.  I quit my job at Anuban Khon Kaen last July.  And aside from a few more weeks of The American After School Program and tutoring, I have been happily unemployed since.  I spent plenty of time traveling and enjoying my life and friends in Thailand, but I'm not in Thailand anymore.

I become bored easily.  I have loved every second of being unemployed thus far, but I'm ready for the next thing.

So, today was tough.  I didn't receive any of the emails or phone calls I was hoping for.  I didn't have a schedule to adhere to.  I wandered the streets of NYC, watching as the rest of the population raced through the city.  I was jealous.

Luckily, I was forced out of my mehhh mood because it is Erin's birthday!

Happy Sweet 16!  (Sorry you can't drive...)

Erin's best friend Maddie and I surprised her after ballet.  I came armed with a best friend, a balloon and a crown, it was bound to be good.  The three of us headed to Ellen's Stardust Diner for a loud, and slightly embarrassing dinner with singing.  It was just what she (and I) needed.

Opening presents at midnight.  I was already in bed, and Erin wouldn't take "no" for an answer, so presents were opened at the foot of my bed. 

Chex Mix and baked goodies from Ellie

COLORFUL throw pillows for the couch

And fuzzy penguin pajamas.  Classic.

A crown, a balloon and an Brownie Explosion Sundae (on the house!)

He sang to her and fed her.  Is this Forno?

Rockin' a balloon on the subway.  NBD.

And a group effort Sweet 16 cake!  The cake was baked by Mom (no oven... remember?), frosted by Meaghan and decorated with candles from Mom and Ellie.  That's teamwork.

"Toto, I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."

A more fitting title would be, "Meaghan, I have a feeling I'm not in Thailand anymore," but there isn't a youtube clip to go with that one.  

I went for a run this afternoon, and it became blatantly obvious that I'm not in Thailand anymore.  If I hadn't already noticed that I'm not in Khon Kaen, this run made things very clear.

I started running in Khon Kaen as a way to tire Manao out before I went to work every morning.  Then, I really enjoyed it.  And for a while, I felt as though I was rockin' it.  I was running six mornings a week, with at least three of those mornings involving 7.2 miles in 1 hour and 6 minutes.  I knew everyone that ran, they all smiled, waved and gave the me the thumbs up or counted on their fingers with every lap I finished.  Then, life happened.  I had a terrible sinus infection, then the accident, then the traveling, then the move, and here I am as slow as ever.

My run this afternoon really put things in perspective for me.  For one, I was passed.  By Thai standards, I was pretty quick.  And by New York standards, I'm a joke.  But, my speed is not the only joking matter anymore.  Let's break down what I realized on this run.

lululemon spandex with discreet zippers and strategically placed reflective material: cool

vs.

Reebok pants that are in the limbo phase between being spandex and being sweatpants: not cool

Tech shirts in fluorescent colors that breathe and wick sweat: cool

vs.

Hooded Alma College sweatshirt from the Champion outlet with imperfect screen printing: not cool

Running because you are fast and good looking: cool

vs.

Running because you want to be fast and hope to eventually look good: not cool

Clearly displaying your iPhone, and most likely listening to Pandora as you run: cool

vs.

Clipping an iPod shuffle to your shirt and jamming to B Spears: not cool

(But I think I win this one- no one wants commercials while you are running, and Britney is my number one motivator!)

Black and/or neon colored sneakers, preferably Adidas or Nike: cool

vs.

White, teal and gray Mizunos that are comfortable and very supportive for my knees and back: not cool

(Also, I think I win this one as well.  My back feels good and I love my sneaks.  LOVE them!)

But, no matter how silly I looked running along the East River, I had an incredible afternoon.  Just look at these photos, how could I not love running here?  

I can run to see the Statue of Liberty!  That's awesome!

Hi, Brooklyn.  Last night was fun.

I'll be back on the river tomorrow, probably rocking a very similar outfit, but loving every second of it.

No oven? What's a girl to do?

I had a meltdown before moving to NYC.  Gosh, I feel like I write about those a lot lately.    It happened just as we were packing the car to move.  The car filled up very quickly with all of our things, and I began to stress out.  I was worried about the size of the apartment, the amount of stuff we were going to try to cram into it, and life in the city.  As I started bringing all of my baking apparatus back into hibernation in the basement, my mom stopped me.  She convinced me that there would be space in the car, and that I would regret not having my kitchen gadgets in New York.  When I composed myself enough, Erin and I hit the road, red Kitchenaid and all.

We arrived to our apartment and were pleasantly surprised.  It is much larger than we anticipated, and has plenty of closet space for all of our clothes.  But as nice as the kitchen is, there isn’t an oven.  The microwave doesn’t even have a convection feature.  So, the Kitchenaid stayed in the car, and drove back to Saratoga.  

A few shots of the new apartment!

The kitchen without the oven.

Our living room/ dining room/ Erin's bedroom.  (She sleeps on the window seat!)

The hall closet and view into the bathroom.

My bedroom

I was texting one of my friends a few days later, telling him that I was busy applying for jobs, but looking for an activity to take a break.  His response:

A: Bake some cakes!

Me: Grrr... My apartment doesn’t have an oven!  I’m very sad.

A: Ah shee-it.  What’d you do with the one in Thailand?

Me: I left it there and sold it.  I wasn’t going to bring it back, because what place doesn’t have an oven in the US?  Well, I found out.

A: I would have baked on the plane ride home.

Me: Ridiculous.

Baked on the plane ride home?  Really?  

But, texting him, reaffirmed what I already knew about myself: I crave baking.  When he mentioned that I should “bake some cakes,” it was exactly what I wanted to be doing at that moment.... And every moment, for that matter.

So, now what?  

In between “formatting a resume” and “entry level jobs in NYC” searches in Google, I have been searching “baking without an oven.”

Luckily, allrecipes.com is filled with no bake cookies and desserts.  It’s time to get creative!    

Anyone have any oven-less baking ideas to share?

"Unfortunately....

"Unfortunately, we will not be able to extend an interview to you at this time."


Shoot.  


I received this email in my inbox yesterday afternoon, and it was a total bummer.  There was something about this job that sounded so perfect and right, and I was perfectly qualified for it as well!  But, unfortunately, they were not able to extend an interview to me.  


Well, it's on to the next thing.


I just got off a very promising phone call, so keep your fingers crossed for this one!  I have an interview next week.... yay!

And another one gets crossed off the list!

I get to cross another one off The List!  On our first day in the city I told Erin I had a little surprise for her.  I think I got her hopes up by saying that, but I was really counting on her to like it more than she actually did.

Okay, we went to the New York Public Library!

I have walked past it at least fifty times, but I had never been inside.  And better yet, I didn’t have a library card.  And now, now, I do.  

Before we left for the city my mom reminded me of how excited Erin was to get her first library card in Saratoga.  It was one of my mom’s little tricks to make the move to Saratoga sound exciting.  More and more of these tricks are surfacing as I age...

While I knew I didn’t need to coax Erin to be excited for the move to the city, I thought she would enjoy it!  Honestly, I did.  

When she figured out what I had up my sleeve on the subway, let’s just say she was less than thrilled.  Then, when we looked like tourists, and not locals, while in search of the library card station, I thought she was going to lose it.  And to top it all off, I made her take photos to document the experience.  And of course, my camera accidentally flashed in the reading room.  Mortifying.  

She's really good at pretending to look happy.

Here I am, in NYC, acting just like my mother, and completely embarrassing my 15- year- old sister.  But, I checked another one off The List!  Erin is now reading a book, has visited three different branches, and she is proudly displaying her NYPL card on her keychain.  I’m pleased with my surprise, and I think Erin is too, even though she will never admit it.

The Cruise

So, I have referenced the cruise, and told you about the lap of luxury that we kids enjoyed for the week, but I haven’t told you anything else!  

Much to my dismay, there isn’t a lot to tell.  My parents are seasoned cruisers at this point, and they always have so many stories to tell when they return from another chunk of days at sea.  But after this cruise, I’m beginning to think they make all of the stories up.  The two of them would come home with stories of crazy characters in the dance club, by the pool, in the dining room, and wandering about aboard.  They would often give the characters names based on the outfits they would wear, the way they spoke or the way they carried themselves.

Erin and I attempted to do the same on this cruise, but without much success.  We spent the week calling one girl “Rhythm,” because she didn’t have any.  We called two brothers “The brothers.”  And we called an older man with particularly impressive dance moves “Hips.”  But that was it.  And those are far from memorable.

I so badly want to believe that all of my mother’s stories of Elaine-like dancing, massive cleavage and couples in Hoverroun- oun- oun- oun- ounds are true, but after this week, I’m finding it challenging.  Except for one small detail: my mom has pictures of her characters!  Why on this ship wasn’t there anyone exciting to make fun of?  Does that just mean everyone was making fun of us?  Oh, well.  Here is the basic rundown, without characters.

Elaine dancing.  Classic.

We spent our first day at sea before coming into Grand Turk, Turks and Caicos.  Garvey and I went scuba diving for the day while my parents, Chip and Erin relaxed on the beach and later by the pool.  Scuba diving was great.  I saw my very first sea turtle!  Woohoo!

Day at sea

Our night at sea was the first formal night.

Grand Turk

The next day we spent in San Juan, Puerto Rico.  We met up with the Holland family and enjoyed an authentic Puerto Rican lunch.  After lunch, while the rest of the 12- person party explored the Old Town, I beelined it for the nearest place with free wifi, Senor Frog’s.  I spent far more time there than I want to admit, but it was necessary.  Erin and I were just over a week away from moving to NYC, and there were a few things that I needed to take care of.  

First arriving in San Juan

Old Town

The party of twelve, minus me.  

On Thursday, my mom, Erin and I rented beach chairs and an umbrella in St. Maarten.  We drank our beers (and sodas) while watching Chip and my dad spend the morning racing a real America’s Cup sailboat.

The woman selling hats on St. Maarten.  It reminded me of one of my favorite books, Caps for Sale.

{source}

This man was wearing a bathing suit.  Barely.  

Friday was another day at sea before hitting our last stop, Half Moon Cay, on Saturday.  Half Moon Cay is Holland America’s private island in the Bahamas, and it is stunning.  If Disney World were an island, this would be the island, but I loved it.  It was spotlessly clean, with over two miles of the softest white sand beaches I have set foot on.  Honestly, going on a cruise will never give you an authentic cultural experience, so why not enjoy the perfect island experience?  Half Moon Cay was great!

"We're over here!  Over here!"  Oh, yeah, Dad?  Is that where you are?

Our shells for the day.

"Look at Chippy.  It's just like the old days with him and his pink boat on a string."

Dad struggling to fold the sun shades back up.

Our last night on the ship, with the DJ.

The Holland America Nieuw Amsterdam

Job Huntin'

Job searching.  Finding a job.  Looking for a job.  Job seeking.  Nope, I am not doing any of those things.  Ladies and gentlemen, I am job huntin'.  And you have to say it with a deep southern accent, when you swallow the middle part of the word.  Job huntin'.  That's what I'm doing.

I have officially lived in New York City for five days.  Five whole days is beyond the amount of time you can count in hours, and therefore, I live here.  And while Erin and I have taken part in a variety of activities and accomplishments throughout the city, unfortunately, I have spent a large amount of time in front of my computer.  Bummer.  Yes, I have been working on my resume, cover letters, applications, and huntin' for jobs in general.  My recent google searches include: "how to write an awesome cover letter," "include in cover letter," "format resume," "jobs in nyc," and "thesaurus.com."  My next searches will probably be along the lines of "free things to do in nyc" and "living in nyc on a budget."  And depending on how long this unemployment lasts I may begin searching "making blogging a profession."

But, all is not lost.

Thanks to Allison and Stephen I had two phone interviews today.  Score!  I also just submitted an application for a position that could be pretty darn perfect, and surprisingly enough, I am qualified for!

For the time being I am going to continue applying here, there and everywhere and sending good vibes out into the universe.  I'm not into all that hippy dippy stuff, but in this waiting game, sometimes there isn't a whole lot more you can do.

Now that my brief blogging break is over, I'm back to job huntin'.  Anyone need an outgoing, intelligent and hardworking employee in NYC?  She has a pretty rockin' blog...

I miss Paul

When I visited New Zealand I was going through a very tough time.  I was leaving Thailand, knowing that I had only 48 hours left with my best friends for more than 2 years.

Jennifer and I talked a lot.  She could clearly see the internal demons I was fighting.  I was struggling with emotions from all different continents, corners of the world and different relationships.  The first thing she addressed was the issue of Paul.  And to be perfectly honest, I don’t know if Paul reads this blog or not, but either way, it won’t change the story.  

Jennifer first asked me what the real relationship was between the two of us.  So, to clear the air for all of you wondering, (I like to pretend I have people following me out there) we are best friends.  From the moment we began spending time together, Christmas eve of 2009 to be exact, we were instant friends.  Something between us clicked.  We understood each other.  We understood each other’s sense of humor, and at times, lack thereof.  There was something about us that worked.  From the moment it happened, I was thrilled.  Yes, I had Koreana in my life, and living right next door nonetheless, but I craved male friendship.  I had spent the majority of my life having a male best friend, and I missed it.  Throwback to the years in grade 4 and 5 with Garret, 7 and 8 with Joey, 10, 11 and 12 with Kareem and Devin, university with Drew, and Dave when I would come home for the summers... Well, you see the pattern.  I always have a male best friend in my life.  And yes, while in the past I have had some trouble with mixing friendships with attraction, I have always had man friends, and I am still in contact with all of them.  

So when I arrived in Paekakariki and Jennifer said, “tell me about Paul” I responded as I would to anyone: “he is my best friend.”  

I told Jennifer a little about him, how we first met, where he is from, etc.  And for those of you who don’t know, he is from New Jersey.  Yes, as my mother said in her loudest, and most motherly voice, “you went all the way to Thailand to meet a boy from New Jersey?!”  Yes, I did.

After I finished the basic explanation, Jennifer waited, allowing me to finish my thoughts, hoping the silence would coax me to continue.  When I didn’t she asked, “is that it?”  I think she, just like everyone else in my life, thinks that he and I have had something more than just friendship going on.  She eventually broke the silence by saying, “well, from reading your blog, he clearly plays a huge role in your life.  I thought there was something more there.”  (Jennifer, please forgive me if I have misquoted you, but this is how I remember the conversation) 

She was right.  Jennifer was completely right.  He did play a huge role in my life.  He was my best friend.  He was my coworker.  He was my drinking buddy.  He was the owner of my Manao’s dog friend.  He was my business partner with the after school program.  He was my exterminator.  He was my Didine- eating, movie- watching companion.  He was my moving company.  He was my taxi company.  He was my voice of reason.  He was my voice of immaturity.  He was my everything.  Nearly.

Coming back to New York was thrilling.  I was beside myself when I was able to see Kareem again.  My eyes welled up with tears when I saw Devin.  And Dave, well, he made a few inappropriate comments, I blushed and told him he was embarrassing me, and we were back right where we had left off.  Now all of these boys are short phone call or text away; I don’t have to dial internationally, use precious minutes and  hold my breath for the off chance he may pick up the telephone.  But with Paul, I have to do all of those things.

I’m incredibly grateful to be back in the States and close to so many of my friends and family members, but I still miss Thailand.  And I still miss Paul.

Unfortunately, there are zero photos of the two of us.  So here is a dark, blurry and cropped PhotoBooth photo.  

We have better photos of our dogs than we do of ourselves.