Me Time

Today is my ninth day at home.  But, considering we ran away to Arizona for a few days, we will call today  my sixth day at home.  And even though I am living in a very full house with three siblings, two parents and two dogs, I have had a heck of a lot of “me time.”  Usually the family is gone for the day, and the dogs rarely interrupt what I’m doing, so I have been doing a lot of thinking.  On top of that, my body is completely rejecting any and all US time zones, and I often lie awake between the hours of 1 and 5 am, which just means more thinking time.  But for all of the time I can, and do, spend thinking, I am still so lost.  

For the first time, in as long as I can remember, I don’t have a plan.  Starting on November 1 of my senior year in high school, I had a plan.  I knew, on that day, that I would go to the University of Tulsa.  My mom didn’t want to admit it, but I knew it would happen.  From that day on, I always had the next flight home booked, the next semester of classes picked out and registered for, summer jobs lined up, and racing schedules set in stone months in advance.  Graduating early was unexpected, but I still had a plan.  I knew that I would begin traveling the following summer, so when going home I planned to babysit and work in a restaurant to save money.  While I spent those five months at home, I was planning Thailand.  And the day after I celebrated my 22nd birthday in Paris, I knew I would be moving to Thailand in October.  Once again, flights were booked, and plans were made.

So, here I sit, exactly three years after my graduation from university, without a plan, and terrified.  I don’t have a flight booked (thank goodness- I am sick of flying!).  I don’t have classes scheduled.  I don’t have anything scheduled, for that matter.  The only reason I know the date is because it is two of my very good friends’ birthdays!  

*Happy birthday, Dtoo and Maya!*  

So, what next?  Three years after graduation, and all I have is passport pages to show.  25 passport pages, to be exact, but that isn’t exactly a resume booster.  But, what does that mean?  For starters, it means that I have had three pretty incredible years, and not nearly enough frequent flyer miles, but what now?  In so many ways, it feels as though running away to a far away country would be the easiest thing at this point.  I loved New Zealand.  It would be very simple for me to get a visa.  Should I move there?  Living in the US is so much more intimidating.  Living in the US means that my real life is starting.  And, I am at a standstill at the moment, and it’s driving me nuts.  With the wedding last weekend, Christmas this weekend and New Years the weekend after that, job hunting is not really in the cards for the time being.  Then, my parents had to go and plan an amazing vacation for the week of January 8, so my job hunting is pushed back again.  No one is going to hire me on January 2 just to hear I need the week of January 8 off.  All this means is more not working, more baking, and more “me time.”  

Fortunately, the dogs like to be walked, and I splurged on a very expensive month at the nearby fitness center, so those activities can keep me a bit busier.  And, Kareem comes home today for a week and a half... Yay!  All of these are good things, but I’m still stuck in my head.  

My newest plan: grad school.  Secondary math education.  Any and all comments are welcomed.